Fan Stuff

Poetry, prose and letters

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Ghost Hunting

There is a ghost hunting through my head
It is playing with fire
It is causing thunderstorms

I keep on drifting him away but he is coming back
He said he likes my head
He likes to hunt my deepest darkest thoughts
And every time he finds a thought he pops it out in front of my eyes
He grins and says
Look at what I have found
I try to close my eyes
But he is inside of me
He whispers the thoughts in my ear
Faster and faster
Like a speeding bullet that will miss his target
Faster and faster
His words are racing through my head

The thunderstorm of words is raging through my head
Trying to stop it
Trying to hunt the hunter of thoughts
Shooting words at him
Trying to reason with him

The thunderstorm goes in to a light breeze
Maybe I will sleep tonight
Maybe tonight the ghost will sleep

Change Her Heart

She was sitting in the bar
Getting to know an old friend
Country music on the radio
And the sound of her pain

And then a voodoo voice
Came across the waves
She said "That girl's no good for you,
You've got to change your heart."

She's gotta change her heart
That's all she's gotta do
But how can she change
Something that belongs to you?

You came into her life
And took away her heart
Flew across the ocean
And ripped it right apart

The night was getting old
The crowd was thinning out
Still that voice came back
To haunt her with this thought

You've gotta change your heart
That's all you've gotta do
Don't keep holding on
To what you haven't got

The lights are coming on
And so is the friend
But tequila's her only lover
And will be till the end

So if you see that voodoo lady
Ask her what I am supposed to do
Cause how can I change
Something that still belongs to you?


Where are you?
For me to show you, what you've been missing

I've been thinking of scenarios
Of why I haven't seen or heard from you?
When I have been good to you

I don't want to lose you
I don't want our friendship
to have been a waste of time

Why am I scared to phone you?
To ask you, what's going on?

Lately I feel like giving up
but I know myself...
to know that won't happen!
But am I fighting a losing battle
with something that's going nowhere
and carry on living my life...

You have yours
I have mine
but why have we lost the connection...


Cyber space fast track

I am on a fast track
Don't know what to do
Sliding threw cyberspace
Waiting for the moment you appear

Moving so fast I can hardly breathe
Mouth wide open
Cause I am on fast track
Cyber space fast track
It is all I want and all I can do
How else can I talk to you
How else can I be with you

Cyber space is all I have to be with you
I see you appearing on my screen
Adrenalin is flowing threw my veins
I get in to the conversation so intense
That I don't know what is going on in the real world
People are fighting people are screaming
But I don't care I don't hear them anymore
Cause I am with you on a fast track

We are moving so fast we can hardly breathe
Mouth wide open
Cause we are on a fast track

It feels like being in a car that is doing 220 on a freeway
And all because I am talking to you
I cross the world
And knock on your door so you can let me in
And we sit on the sofa talking all night
At the end we kiss and say goodnight.

From Amsterdam to Johannesburg in nearly 3 seconds
Moving so fast I can hardly breathe
Mouth wide open
Cause I am on fast track
Cyber space fast track
It is all I want and all I can do to be with you

A cyber-space fast track
Is all I want and all I can do to be with you
It is all I want
A cyber space fast track to you

I Love You

I love you
How aware I have become of those words
How strange they can seem between us at times
And then how completely natural, and real
In the simple sense of the phrase
I love you

I love you
How afraid I can be of those words sometimes
Of the weight they carry
Of the sense of obligation you might feel
Of the surreality that inevitably surrounds them

And so I say to you
In the moment
I love you
and you return the sentiment
And perhaps neither of us knows what we are truly uttering

But right now
I love you...
How much I want to
How I want so much for you to truly love me
In the divine freedom of love and in all it's splendour

Sun and Moon

I went walking on the moon last night…
Had tea with this girl called silver
She told me stories about small worlds..
About love, time and energy...

Then I hitched a ride to the sun…
To dine with the goddess of heat…
Who spoke shamelessly and without hold
About lust, desire, need and power..

She directed me to venus to meet with her best friend...
…she said...'this will complete your journey for now'..
and so I sat down at a small table suspended in the space of my own thoughts...
and I waited.. and waited.. for years I waited...
and then I realised...

.. it would be in a silent solitude
that I would find the key to unlock the secret harmony of the sun and the moon…

What is Time

Is it relative
Is it something I will ever understand
Is it the hours I keep waiting to see you come online
Or is it the 21 years of living that I did
Is that time

Is it the months that I know I will be working hard to come to you
Or will I say after those few months was this it
Is this all the time I needed for it
So what is time.

Sometimes it seems that every sec lasts 24 hours
And when you get older you say those years went way too fast
Maybe you understand why I can't wait for time to go by
to be in your arms
And then also you maybe understand that the moment
I get in your arms
That I wish I could stop the time and enjoy that sec like it will never ever end

And maybe you will understand that when we get older
I wish we were young again and walking “sammy” for hours
down by the sea
Maybe you understand why now I can't wait to be older and then think about the “good old times”
because then I will know that I spent all my time with you
And that is something that I want
To have spent all the time in the world with you
No matter how relative it is
No matter how much time it will take

Words To Wear

I come to you naked,
wrapped only in thoughts
of how to dress in words that allure
to catch your eye.

I want to dress in red words -
passion on passion, with ribbons of fire,
sultry words that move like silk
through your soul.

I want to dress in white words -
innocence and purity,
sweetness and smiles,
soft words that touch like feathers
upon your skin.

I want to dress in indigo -
elegance and majesty,
diamonds and pearls,
blue fantasy that drapes
like dreams of desire within your mind.

I want to dress in black velvet -
sex and splendor,
shadows and secrets,
the jet of night that speaks
in dark tongues upon your flesh.

I stand before you, naked and bare,
wearing only my words -
my rainbow of thought -
and I arch my back over
the land of the wise,
hoping that someone will see me.

for somebody that I love

Standing here waiting for something
Waiting for the moment
It is so close but still so far away
How will it be
Will it be like we imagined
Will it be everything we ever dreamed

Give me a sign
Give me a little bit of hope
Don't let me stand here in the middle of the road

Pick up the phone please baby
Pick up the phone
And say hello
And I will tell you everything I dream of

Pick up the phone and tell me how you feel
Don't be scared I will help you through
I will be here waiting
Pick up the phone and I will say I love you
No matter how long I will be waiting I will be here for you
As a friend or as a lover

But pls baby pick up the phone
And tell me you feel the same
Tell me that you just don't know
Tell me all that you are thinking
And I will help you through

I been waiting all this time
So don't think I will give up
I will be ringing your phone
And I will be standing here
In the middle of the road
Summer or winter
So baby pick up and tell me how you feel


Tell me how you feel...

Voices Of Confusion

Deep into the far corners of one's mind
Lies a history of undiscovered,
Hibernating since the dawn of our humanity
Whispering quietly into our subconscious
As we allow another reality to govern our being

Hurled into a forest of dark,
Dense thistle that claws,
& rips at the thread of our perception
Tearing into the core of our foundation

Hush the whispers
Taste the silence,
Drink of the loneliness
As we saturate ourselves in a sea of quiet
Hearing only the sound of our own breathing

You look at me with glowing skin,
Lips cracking,
As u round your vowels,
attempting to push out the air
From your stomach,
But the desert storm engulf your words
Blowing them away before they reach my ears
A dark silence falls over us
We stand and stare, gasping
At eyes that see into and from our own.

We are one and the same,
We are day and night,
We are the conscious and subconcious
In their daily plight

Sisters of Song

You've touched so many lives
and broke so many hearts
played a thousand notes
and danced in the dark

Your music fills our souls
tortures us with delight
and when you're finally finished
darkens even the night

Sisters of song
sisters of pleasure
what you have given us
is worth more than any treasure

Will it ever be?

Everything I gave you, I cannot give you anymore...
Time, fate, and everything in between ripped into our love and banned our desire...
still I crave your touch, your passion.
will it ever be?

How long can we carry on?

how long can we carry on?
how deep is this water between?
how different are the moon and stars?

how long can we carry on?
how patient is this need?
how resilient this connection?

how long can we carry on?
how healthy is this longing?
how vivid these memories?

how long can we carry on?

I've Never...

I've never felt this lonely but less alone.
I've never been so empty yet so fulfilled all at once.
I've never felt so inspired but so drained and dumb.
I've never writhed in pleasure and agony at the same time.
I've never felt this close to someone but felt so far away.
I've never loved, and hated because I can't help but love.
I've never pined for someone I carry with me.
I've never depended upon my dependence on someone else.
I've never considered poetry to be cathartic.
I've never looked forward to a moment and dreaded it so much.
But then,
I've never wanted you more.


Aren't you tired
of games and lies
every time you feel

Aren't you bored
with all of your emotions
that come from the barren soil
of your life

Are you still looking...
for the ever familiar run around
the deceit that you don't recognise

Are you blinded by the truth
does it pierce your eyes and
cloud your clarity

Do blood tears rain
from undecided confusion

Nothing is seen in the shadows
and the shadows themselves hold no truth
so let them find their own light

I have no need to be sunshine and I
don't control the shadows......

My considerations were reserved for you
but my eyes hurt too now

Labels maketh the "man"

Maybe I don't play the notes that you would like to hear?
& my dance, is one that you don't feel comfortable with,
I think my differences make you nervous.

Perhaps my opinion nullifies yours,
or maybe it's because you feel I shouldn't have,
an opinion,
I would probably go as so far as to say that perhaps you think I have no right to one?

I don't fit into a box that you can label,
and in world of ignorance labels "maketh the man"
or maybe the label comes with too many complexities for you to understand,
because reaching that understanding,
would probably mean,
yes it would mean work,
and that work would mean you might have to extend yourself,
further than you are capable of.

So my request to you is,
please don't make your insecurities my cross
please don't make your ignorance my illiteracy
don't hold me down in order to give yourself something to stand on,
& please don't inhibit my mind with the fears that prevent you from being free

Waves Of Urgency

The waves are urgent and patterned with salty foam..
like white lace on grey satin as they crash over the feminine shorebody of sand.

I throw a message into their urgency as it mirrors mine and hope that it finds it's place in this transient space..

Because the sun is burning on the horizon of my thoughts again..
and I long for so many things.


I always wonder how it would be if I was with you, and you with me.
I imagine us together on these fairy-tale dates
but then I come back to reality and realise it all comes down to fate.

I lie awake every night in my bed thinking of you, wondering if you're thinking of me too.
I love how you hold me in your arms,
I love your great smile and sweet charm.

Do you think of me the way I think of you?
Do you like me in the way I want you to?
These are the things I ask myself everyday, hoping, praying, someday you'll feel the same way!


I would write you a love letter,
but there's not enough paper
to write down everything
wonderful about you -
the way you laugh, talk and .... kiss,
the way you do those little things
that make me so crazy about you.

I would write you a love letter,
but there aren't enough pencils
or ink to put down
how you make me feel -
how you make my heart beat faster
and my breath catch whenever we're close,
how you stay with me
like a love song I can't get out of my head.

I would write you a love letter,
but there aren't enough hours
or days or lifetimes
to describe all you mean to me -
the way you've changed my world
and made me dream things
I never dared to dream before.
I would write you a love letter
  But I can't


take my hand..
and I'll lead you
inside our sacred land
you'll have my protection..
as I travel to other universes with you..
butterflies will hover as we merge in body…and consummate the gift of passion we have been so graciously given..
you will smile as you look around and recognize all the places we have been together…
...over these light years…
And you will 'know' that we will be visiting the same and more infinitely...
For I feel…
in us...
there is no concept of time…
or place..
or end..

Song for the Pineapple girl

She greeted me with fire and stone.
Her tongue was fierce; Her heart was cold.
But her shield crumbled
When my touch was true.

Then she smiled at me.
My dreams grew taller.
Reality frowning; Reality warning.
But my heart's a liar and it won't believe.
That I can't have her.

She stepped into my restless life.
She brought some quiet; I know it won't last.
'Cause my heart's a gypsey
And its running faster.

'Cause she smiled at me.
My dreams grew taller.
Reality frowning; Reality warning.
But my heart's a liar and it won't believe
That I can't have her.
That I can't have her.
That I can't have her.

If I Die Tonight

I fear most
That I should die tonight
Never having told you
How much you mean to me...
I cannot state the obvious "cliches"
Nor entangle you with smitten emotion

But should I die tonight
My soul would be sad
That it had not once more caressed you
That it had not once more held you close to me
That it had not once more entertained your pretences
That it had not once more loved you with no tomorrows

So if I die tonight
I hope my words will find you
And once more silently assure you
Once more just flicker for a moment
Once more hold you close to my heart
Once more let you go
Like I always do
Like I always know I have to
Like you always know I will
Even when I never wanted to..........

Reflections in a pool

You are like a pool of water
that I can see my reflection in.
But the reflection is murky
and full of ripples.
And yet sometimes so clear
as though it was a mirror.

But those images are swift
for when I try to touch it,
It disappears into distorted
unrecognisable patterns.
Patterns that doesn’t make sense
Until I back away
And give it time to settle.

Maybe one day the reflections wont be murky
And the ripples won't be distorted images.
But images of happiness and passion that
Ripple our lives.

Losing myself in you

Losing myself in you
Slipping perfectly into the cracks between your fingers
I hold myself there,
In the warmth,
of your life-giving flow,
I hear your pulse (or perhaps it's just mine)
blood rushing (like my head or is it my heart?)
all-encompassing, drowning
maybe it's better to go quickly submerged
and numb, than to wound myself
on the sharp edges of your pain
rip out mine eyes,
there is no other way to forget the sight of you
cut off my hand,
the hand that touched the flesh surrounding
your heart,
your mind,
and the hand that was touched,
by you.
Slipping between the cracks of your fingers
there I sit, and wait
an unkempt stowaway
on a ship with no destination
everything could be ....but,
and but, has become the key that locks
the cell that has become if only

curtain call

The conductor swings his baton with ferocity
and Bach's fugue in G minor assaults with its jarring caress

This is the theme tune to end …

… the final curtain call..

…As one cycle ends and another will inevitably begin…

The wet rainlike theme beats rhythmically as the final crescendo mounts and crashes like yesterday's thunder..

leaving behind an enigmatic memory of worlds created and lost..

And the audience leaves through the rubble unchanged…

And again I am left knowing…
It would have been sacred
If it were real…

Do You Remember

Do you remember
Aching in clarity like I do

Do you remember
Vagueness & uncertainty like I do

Will I remember
Years past but your eyes live on
haunting in their solitude
How could I forget
the very breath of you

You came to me like a dream
Aching in your destitude
Days too short to recall
Nights too beautiful to reveal

Will I remember
Years past but your lies live on
hurting in their multitude
Cutting into
the very depth of me

Do you remember
the storm & the fury like I do

Do you remember
agony ecstasy like I do

Years past but anger lives on
gathering in its altitude
stealing into
the very soul of me


If I could grow wings
I would fly away from this place.
Away from this Deconstructive
negative place.

I would fly high above the earth
careless and free.
Back to where people are friendly and kind,
back to where people know my name.

I want to submerse myself in
a pool of Creative, Passionate people.
and dive to the centre of positive energy,
to recharge my soul
and feed my imagination.

Six String
Fiona Horsley

Even though we were not close
Even though we didn't get to see much of each other
I'll never forget when you played your organ
Singing your favourite tunes to me
Ellington, Gershwin and Ella Fitzgerald
I will never forget playing your organ...
When I was six...
Didn't know what I notes I was playing
but I was having fun!!!!!
I will never forget...
watching you sip your brandy
watching your cigarettes burn...
smoke rising into the air
I will never forget
Your tattoos from when you were in the Royal Navy
I will never forget
The fact that you hated them tattoos
I will never forget
Those stories from when you were in the war
I will never forget
How you used to love to play chess
I will never forget
How you called me, Your six string Fiona

(Dedicated to the memory of my Grandfather)


Take me to that room inside your mind…
The place where privileged few are invited to roam…
…where you pour coffee for your confidantes…
And drink whiskey with your soul mates…

I will respect the ‘reserved’ sign on the door…

Take me to that room inside your mind…
Where the soundtracks to your strongest moments of sadness and joy are played…

I will respect the ‘private’ sign on the wall…

Take me to that room inside your mind…
The place where in the shadows…memories, hopes and fears…choose not to hide..
Where dragons roam freely and demons are dined…

I will respect the ‘warning’ sign on the wall…

Take me to that room inside your mind…
Where inhibitions fear to tread..and desires run wild…

And.. take me …in that room inside your mind…

I will respect the ‘sacred’ sign on the door….


Let the earth turn
Your candle burns
Inside me
Like the flame inside the moth

Let yourself be
You know
The one you crave
Is waiting…

Let yourself need
It’s only human
Let yourself bleed
It’s cathartic…

Let yourself ache
It makes you humble

Let yourself cry
Sadness is
Real and honest...

Let yourself want
It brings direction
Let yourself be still
It brings clarity…..

Let the world turn
It is a comfort
Knowing that you’re
Part of…..


Bright lights born
Clothed in skin
filling the world with colour
And imparting wisdom from lives of infinite number

Bright lights shift
Clothed in tradition
And continue to burn
Imparting wisdom to come for light years of infinite number

A New Life Has Begun

In this life
lessons are learned the hard way.
there was always dying, the easy way out
but my key to survival, was always that thought
of that someone special that might be out there.
my hope has always been destiny.
will it bring us together?
and love will keep us together always.
a new life has begun.

I need you like you need me.
when darkness surrounds me, and life leaves me
I will open my door to you.
you come in and lay beside me
to chase the demons of the night.
a new life has begun.

you hold me tight, and I see the light again.
where have you been, this angel of mine.
you have picked me up, given me hope
to this thing called life.
I look into your eyes and know,
a new life has begun.

no words need to be spoken when I'm with you.
you know my pain, and wipe my tears with your fingertips
you are my sunrise in the east.
a new life has begun.

Words sung by Ani DiFranco
Fiona Horsley

...Think I'm going for a walk now
Feeling a little unsteady
Nobody will follow me
except maybe you...
I can make you happy
and even if you are already
I can do a lot of things and I do...

...and whom am I that I should be dying for your touch
who am I, bet ya can't even tell me that much...

...I make such a statistic someone should study me now
somebody's got to be interested in how I feel
just cause I'm here and I'm real...

...and we don't say everything that we should
So we can say later, "oh, you misunderstood"

...I'm writing graffiti on your body
I'm drawing the story of how hard we try...

...if you can't understand, how can you act...
...we got a little time to react in this world
let along rehearse...

(P.S. These are just lyrics from different songs of Ani DiFranco's that I love... I just thought I'd share them with all of you - Fiona)

A Prayer

I send a prayer to the gods...
I send a prayer to the gods...
I send a prayer to the gods...

I send a prayer to the gods of the SUN to
're-ignite' the flame of my core

And to the gods of the WIND to rustle my dreams and fuel the sun's fire in my soul

I send a prayer to the gods of the RAIN to temper the restless burning in my chest

And to the gods of the EARTH to ground my mind and help lead me back to my sacred destined path

I send a prayer to the gods of the PLANETS to 're-convince' me of lost faith

And to the gods of the MOON to revive my creativity and sense of freedom

I send a prayer to the gods of LIGHT to paint my world with vibrant hues

And I send a prayer to my eyes to beg them to see the wonder….

I send a prayer to the gods...
I send a prayer to the gods...
I send a prayer to the gods...

Wake Me Mr Sandman
The Dreamer

Sitting, staring, waiting....

If only - Yet no reply

Wondering, thinking, fearing....

It's cold - Your eyes have died

Wanting, hoping, dreaming....

It's dark - The sun has set

Longing, grabbing, slipping.... away

It's over - Our love has passed

How did it happen - I wonder


I sit amidst
And watch…
And randomly assume a role…
I’m beginning to enjoy this voyeuristic experience more and more…
It seems to appeal to the detached creative side of me…

Tonight I will be 50% life and soul
20% serious
and 30% absent…

That should fit the bill for any onlookers…

Sometimes honesty is out of place…
and we inevitably replace it with controlled diplomacy…

I know now that a mind that imagines
is a dangerous one
And a heart that runs…
Almost always bleeds the longest…

For S

‘She’s got a spiritual edge’ he said
and then I knew that I was not the only one
who recognized it and was drawn to you..

And for a moment
I would have forever given up the taste of strawberries
And the warmth of the sun on my back…
Just to have your devotion…

And suddenly the whole world started to make more sense..
And then no sense at all..
I was so grounded… yet irrational…
Satiated… yet iminently insatiable..

‘She’s got a spiritual edge’ he said…
and how I know what he meant…

The 'it' girl

from the black page
entering my mind like
the smoke
from shortening cigarettes…

Inside again…
dancing with the question
Who do they belong with?
Those words…

I could get to the end

I could get to the end
And never say goodbye
It might be easier that way
As the distance is dissonant
And the anger is unresolved
But it would be too long a journey
To carry the baggage

I could get to the end
And never forget you
It could be easier that way
Then only your memories will haunt me
And your mystery
Will keep me wondering
And the journey could
Go on forever

I could get to the end
And never know you
It's easier this way
As time is precious and short
And nothing lasts a life time
And the journey
would be sad
but real..........

Dimension X

Hot blood pulses through my body..
Like tonight’s dark red wine permeating my conciousness...

Playfully trickling like a river of temptation caressing the awakened skin of my desire..

Sun, Moon, silence…

Sun, Moon, silence…

Then…a vague…distant symphony…?

Knowing secretly the barrenness of my desires..
I walk the same eternal gothic streets of possibility…


The night is tired,
The sun begging for 40 winks more.
My heart she aches,
Really aches!!!
Why is it
So important
To break one heart
While you with wild abandon
Exist to make the other heart
Feel good.
Prey tell,
Is it possible...
To utter words of care
Whilst the action
Is that of slaughter?
Why ???
After so long?

Could it possibly be.....
Possibly - nah!!
Probably o'f***ing course.

Course being the operative word

All things sweet

I could just pick up my keys
get in my car and go
cause the road will be my lover
my car will make love to the road
the petrol will be the juice of all things sweet
I will let the road take me wherever she takes me
My car will follow the road
even if it's running on empty
It will still go on petrol fumes
Will you fill me up? With all things sweet?


Remember the kitchen in the interior design magazine?
Oh! It scared my taste.
Yet it tickles me that my taste tasted bitter to you.
And it is peculiar how your décor evaporated.
How our mirrors of you always argued.
Still I never lied or faked your beauty Beverly
And my love for you is still trapped in the infant.

But I understand, I understand, I understand.
I know you feared the venomous grapes on the grapevine
would kill your children.
I know you feared the tree of life
would ostracize you if you fell to my earth.
I know, I know, I know.

My female fairy, this contract is eternally void:
You still owe me a hug,
You still have to make my mushroom grow,
You still need to love this seed you’ve sown.

I regret cursing you into a chameleon in a smartiebox.
If you were not in captivity
I would cover all your smarties in red coating
And I would beg to be fed with your red.


I was listening to the piano
when I remembered a moment
our eyes locked
I heard the unspoken words reaching
a cadence that has never been resolved...
I heard the orchestra bleeding
into my background...
you became an interval of a
major seventh
did you look away?
I was lost
Looking for direction
waiting for a sign
an innuendo
I was still and reserved
I was listening to
Variations on a Theme by Mozart.

Brian (written in 1977)

When you're so far away
I don't know what to say
Now you're far away
And I still love you

When your'e so far away
I feel so alone
But I still love you everyday

Now I'm all alone
And you don't want me to phone
Now I won't try and fake it
But I don't think I can make it... alone


Now I don't know what to do
And I don't even know what's true
I can't live anymore without you
And I still love you


Oh why did you leave me
Why didn't you believe me
Why did you hurt me so
Now there's nowhere left to go

Repeat first verse


While walking along a beach, a man saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he came closer, he saw thousands of starfish the tide had throw onto the beach. Unable to return to the ocean during low tide, the star fish were dying. He observed a young man picking up the starfish one by one and throwing them back into the water.

After watching the seemingly futile effort, the observer said, "There must be thousands of starfish on this beach. It would be impossible for you to get to all of them. There are simply too many. You can't possibly save enough to make a difference."

The young man smiled as he continued to pick up another starfish and toss it back into the ocean.

"It made a difference to that one," he replied.

With love from all the little starfish at Cotlands.


Aren’t you tired
Of being so desired
Every time you

Aren't you bored
With all the attention
That grows from the
Barren soil of empty need….

Are you still entertained...
By the ever familiar simplicity?…as you knowingly look through it....
Or do you ache for some intrigue and mystery sometimes…?
and long for the breathless surrender of control?

And all of those who obliviously live in the hazy streets of your shadow…
Don’t you bleed to want to cure them?
And show them their own light…

....Don’t you?


More poems in the Archives